yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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