Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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