can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
