i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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