i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
