If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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