I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
