I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
