you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
