if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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