Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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