Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
