Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
