just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
