just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
