I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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