He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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