Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
