i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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