alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
