I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
