I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
