I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
