Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
