First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
