Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
