I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
