see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
