Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
