ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
