I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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