nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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