I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
