Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
