What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
