i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
