I looked at my own cervix.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
