every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
