Buhtt sex?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
MIDGETS
????
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
