I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
