I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
