I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
