remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
