I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
