Need sex. Gaining weight.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As shirtless as possible
We left the knife in your bed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
