I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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