Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
