Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
