Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
