my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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