I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
