I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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